Disgusted, Pirates Lose 3-2

Before the first pitch Tuesday night, the Pirates had two small victories over the Cards. For one, Chris Carpenter wouldn't be starting and instead some guy no one has ever heard of was taking the bump. Second, Scott Rolen was out for the night with back spasms and Scott Spiezio, and his stupid red soul patch, would get the start.

Idiot.

In the first, Tommy Gorz had it rollin'. In the bottom of the inning, it felt like groundhog day in Pittsburgh. Hits from Jack and Freddy, a walk to Bay Day and the bags were packed for the X-Man. Pop-up city, two outs. Then LaRoche stepped in and hammered a ball, to deep center, which was caught at the fence, or as Greg Brown said on the radio broadcast, "fliritin' with a granny..."

"how YOU doin'..."

The Bucs scored single runs in the fifth and sixth. In the fifth, Jose Bautista told Jose Castillo to get comfortable as a backup and went deep for the first time this year. Tracy adjusted the lineup tonight and moved LaRoche to 6, but Bautista, one of three guys hitting above .300, and probably the only hitter on the team to not strike out all season, stayed in the eight hole. And went deep. Maybe Jim Tracy is smarter than me. Maybe.

In the sixth Freddy doubled, then Bay drove him in with a single. LaRoche struck out and the boo birds came-a-flyin'. Somewhere LaRoche's ladies were telling Pirate fans to "F-Off."

"F-OFF, he's ours."

In the eighth, the 1,431 fans in attendance watched as Matt Capps relieved Tommy G and promptly allowed a hit to Aaron Miles. Then Jim Edmonds pinch-hit and smoked a ball right at LaRoche, who stepped on first for the DP. Skippy Schmuker followed with a flyout.

In the bottom of the inning, Freddy got a hit. Then Lanny told us A-Rod homered again. A-Rod makes 15,000 dollars an inning this season. A-Rod could pay my yearly salary in about 45 minutes, and might not even have to bat. After I puked, JBay chopped into a DP, making the pirates 4-for-167 as a team with RISP. Gotta be some kind of record.

Torres Time. Mighty Mouse singled to left and Chris Duncan, who is about 8 feet tall, walked on five pitches. The best hitter on the planet strolled in with his .179 average and absolutely scared the crap out of me. Strike. Ball. Ball. Boos. Timeout. More Boos. Ball. Lanny tells us the outfielders are "deep." Pujols hits a ball 322 feet and Bay tries to throw the ball into T-Bone Shelby in the dugout. Eckstein and Andre the Giant move up a base each because every team in baseball is smarter than the Pirates. Soul Patch Kid drives in both with a single and I consider erasing the derogatory comments about him that are listed above.

Tommy Gorz leaves the dugout and goes down the walkway to bring his lunch back.

Josh Hancock, it's Herbie Hancock, enters the game. Even though this isn't a live blog and my prediction means absolutely nothing, I am saying right now LaRoche is hitting a walk off bomb. I will not erase that last sentence if he doesn't. I won't do it. LaRussa goes Lefty-Lefty with Randy Flores, who keeps the bad facial hair trend coming. Slider, 0-1. Slider, 1-1. Slider, 1-2. Slider, ground out. I won't erase it.

In the bottom of the tenth, Eldred reached because Mighty Mouse couldn't reach first and Duffy got hit by a pitch. Then Walk almost blew a gasket talking about why Jack shouldn't bunt. Jack bunted and Eldred was thrown out at third. Tip your cap to Mr. Walk. Bad K for Freddy. Bad analogy for Lanny about "carrying the mail," and then something about a "winning notice," when discussing Duffy at second base. Bay-Day bombs. Three at-bats with a runner at second base, and not one hitter was even able to advance a runner. This is painful.

In the top of the 12th, with the bases loaded, FSN Pittsburgh forgets how to follow a fly ball off the bat. Not to be out done, Paulino forgets how to catch. 3-2, bad guys.

Duffy walked. Jack lines out. Duffy doesn't even consider stealing. Freddy hits into DP.

.500

Notes: Bob Walk said "no doubles" at least four times tonight.